The Fear that Calms All Fear

I used to eat insects when I was little. Mom told me that she found me eating bugs countless times, and she’d have to scoop them out of my mouth. She said, she doesn’t really know how many bugs I actually ingested. Crunchy potato bugs, ants, spiders, you name it. They were all potential victims, to my curious tongue.

I ironically developed, at a young age, a phobia of spiders. Though, other bugs don’t bother me. (For the comfort of those of you who share my phobia, I am done mentioning bugs in this post.) :0)

What are you afraid of? Is it a discomfort around large dogs? Is it a fear of letting yourself grow attached to someone, who might end up not loving you as much as you want to be loved ...or re-wounding you in ways you’ve been burned before? Is it a fear of how people might respond to a dark part of your past, or present? Do you struggle to trust people? Is there a sircomstance that has consumed you with fearful worry, of how you will ever make it through your future, or even face today?

What things cause you fearful anxiety, worry, or even panic?

Did you think of something? I know I can think of a lot of things for me. One thing that God has been working on, in me, is the concept of the fear that calms all fear.

The fear that calms all fear, is the fear of God.

What does it mean, to fear God? Personally, I often get a kind of sinking feeling inside, when I think of the term “fearing God.” When I’m already afraid of so much, it feels defeating, to think about fearing one more thing.

But that feeling comes out of my misunderstanding, of what it means to fear God. The fear of the Lord actually brings rest, breath, relief, peace, ...fearlessness. The fear of God hushes, stills, pacifies, calms, all fear.

I get my misunderstanding of fearing the Lord, when I think that it’s the same kind of fear that I have with certain other things. Like when I think about my family’s tight finances, or when I go to sleep and dream that I’m naked in public. But the fear of God is a completely different kind of fear. ...Like the crown on a princess, is different than the crown on a tooth. Or the mic you sing into, ...is different than my brother Mike. To be God fearing, is a different definition of fear.

To fear the Lord does NOT mean, to be anxious, worried, terrified, or frightened.

To fear the Lord, means to love Him. It means to be in AWE, of His awesome power, majesty, and ability. It means to seek to know how to describe who He is, what He’s done, and promised He will do, what He thinks about, and what He’s passionate about. The more we get to know about Him, the closer we draw to Him, and the deeper we come to just begin to fathom ...the unfathomable greatness, and size of God, ...the more we will change how we live, in response to Him. If you think about it, all of these things will naturally happen, if we love Him. The definition of fearing God: love Him.

These last couple years, I’ve been DROWNING in worrisome anxiety, and fearful panic. These two rough years for me, have thrown me into the need to draw nearer to the Lord, and to try to understand Him better. This has caused me to fear God (in other words: to love God) more. The more intimate my friendship with God has become, the more I want to show Him my fear of Him (my love of Him,) by altering how I live, think, speak. The more tenderly I adore Him (same as to fear Him,) the more I am longing, seeking, to learn about what He thinks, feels, who He is. This fearing (loving, gentle adoration) of God, has been producing an ever deepening... PEACE, FEARLESSNESS, FREEDOM FROM ANXIOUS WORRY.

This PEACE, is largely due to my growing in knowledge of God’s personality, character traits, mind, heart. MyFEARLESSNESS is founded in WHO GOD IS. The more I fear God (love God,) the more I seek to learn about Him, because Iwant to know who He is. And the more I know about who God is, the more I understand and see, the REST, HOPE, SAFETY, BREATH, RELIEF FROM ANXIOUS WORRY, FREEDOM FROM FEAR, PEACE, that I have in Him.

To fear God, means to love God, which is a beautiful, peace giving thing. The fear of God brings peace. The fear (love) of God is a desirable kind of fear. It brings relief, from ALL negative kind of fear. To fear (love) God, brings FREEDOM, from the negative kind of fear, FREEDOM from anxiousness, worry, panic, terror.

For those who love (desirable fear) God, there is no negative (undesirable) fear. For those who fear God, there is no fear. For those who fear God, there IS NO fear!

The fear (love) of God brings SECURITY, DEEP REST. The fear (love) of God, is the fear that DISSOLVES, STOPS, STILLS all fear. The fear of God, is the fear that PACIFIES, HUSHES, QUIETS all fear. The fear of God, is the fear that CALMS ALL fear.

This post is dedicated to a cousin of mine, who shares in common with me, Anxiety Disorder, and panic attacks. Love you, cuz’!

Lord, May YOUR Will be Done... I LOVE You!

About a year and a half ago, the disabilities that I already had (Generalized Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress) suddenly flared up overwhelmingly. This threw me into a new one, Panic Disorder. Panic Disorder threw my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (caused by traumas in my past), and the other disorders into something that has absolutely crippled me. This, and the consistent panic attacks throughout every day, ended up causing me to be house bound, for the last year. I dropped out of all activities, except councilor and doctor appointments. Since Christmas, I have been able to attend the Worship and Creative Arts rehearsals most weeks at my church, as a member of their prayer team. Other than that, I have mostly been bound to my room. The panic and anxiety has often made it hard for me to get food down, causing loss of weight, and sometimes needing people to support me walking, from lack of ability to get nutrition. These disabilities have long crippled me from being able to have a job, have my own apartment (I am very grateful for my parents letting me stay with them), or from who I am inside, being able to break out of my cage. As my situation has been substantualy worse, this last year and a half, my personality, my passions, my gifts, have been ever more trapped inside my body. This leads into the following, below.

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I need You, Lord, I need You!

Let there be life. Let there be life in me... and You are life. Let there be life in me, that they would come to know You! And You ARE life! That they would come to know LIFE! Let there be life in me, that they would come to know You more! And You ARE life! That they would come to know life MORE!

Let the world see YOU are God! Through my weakness, may the world see Your power! Through my inability, may the world see Your ability! Let the world see my weakness, so that anything You do, no one will be able to say it was by my power! May no one be able to say that Your works were done by anyone or anything else!

May I be completely free! Heal my heart, soul, mind, and body, so that I can be who I am for You! Heal me, so that I can sing and write music, so You can lead others to come to know You, and into ever deepening lifestyles of worship of You, through music. Father, may I be healed, so that I can be able to use my passion for orphans and abandoned children/adults, to serve You. Restore me, so I can fulfill my passions to be a voice for the voiceless, to write, to be the kind of leader I long to be, for You. Enable me to serve You in my draw to China, in my pull to Christian apologetics, and to be able to fully use the compassion that is built into me. Lord, heal me, so that I can use my deep, deep longing... to encourage... exhort... build up... and nurture... groups of people, teams, and individuals. May I be released from my chains, so that I can pursue my friends, my family, and people that don’t expect it. Father, heal me, so I can be able to use my passions and my gifts... every part of me for You!

Finnish the work You started in me! Thank You for allowing me to go through this, so You could direct and grow me, all You have! I am so grateful, for all You have taught me, and changed in me, through this time! If I must continue to go through struggle, for You to finish what You are doing in me, then let it go on as long as it needs to!

Finnish the work You started in me! May I be love as YOU are love. May I be grace as YOU are grace. May I be forgiveness as YOU are forgiveness. May I be a leader as YOU are a leader. Deepen my passion to be led by You, through others. Teach me how to tear down, and prevent division, and how to initiate, and grow unity. Continue to show me who You are, as my Father. Teach me how to be the kind of daughter, You want me to be to You.

I praise You, because You are able! I praise You, for Your powers and Your wonders!

I let go of everything. I am willing to loose everything, and everyone else, if it is what You see best. Take everything! Just give me YOU! Do whatever would make Your dreams come true! I LOVE You! Lord, May YOUR Will be Done... I LOVE You!