Monday, December 22, 2008

When Love Was Born

Tonight I craved to worship God by writing a Christmas themed song for Him. It didn't end up being a song, but a poem. I ended up focusing on the purpose of the first Christmas, the reason why Christ was born.

When Love Was Born
***
When Love was born, He drew His first breath,
a breath that can breathe the universe into existence
and breathe calm into souls.
Those fragile infant's lips, that breathe a love into me, that take my breath away.
***
When Love was born, He lifted His lashes to see the world,
to foresee the world, and He foresaw me.
Love saw me injured, though I had not yet come to be,
and Love began the journey to set me free.
***
A Father's Son to die for me,
Love was born to die, so that life would be born in me.
The Love that has always been was born,
to bring me into the Love that will always be.
***
Love died for those who hated Him.
Love died for those who killed Him on the cross.
Love was crushed for me, but not destroyed,
and offered me what should have been my greatest loss.
***
Love's hands that can move mountains, the hands that can move souls,
were submitted to the nails, and hammered to the tree.
Love died for the loving and for the farthest reaches of depravity.
So may I love all the world as He has lived and died for me.
***
Love was born, so that He would rise from the dead.
Love was born so that the dead would rise.
Where Love enters in, hope is secured,
in death's own demise.
***
Love has reached for me.
Love has come for me.
Hope has drawn me near.
Love has found me.
***
Love has not forgotten me.

Friday, December 19, 2008

My Sister

That's right, I have a sister! Well, technically she's my cousin. But I like to call her my sister!

Elena is so much like me, we could be clones. First of all, if you take pictures of us at the age of two, five, ten and so on, we look so much alike at the same ages. We also have a lot in common.

For instance, we both like challenge, writing and story making, drawing, reading and spending time with people.

We also both enjoy playing instruments. Elena loved playing violin, but is wanting to try out taking guitar lessons. I had the pleasure of getting to hear her play her violin, and she did so well. She was fun to listen to. I played the flute briefly, but the piano's the one that stuck! I haven't taken piano lessons yet... but would love to! I've delighted in the piano since I was about five.

We each have enjoyed singing in choirs. In fact, Elena just got excepted into the Honor Choir at her school!

Elena has been on a swim team for a long time. That's one place we're different, but she LOVES doing it!
Elena, I am so glad that I have the privilege of getting to know who you are. I look forward to continuing to get to know you!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The "WITH" Factor

Everyone who knows me well knows that I am a huggy person. My family has long joked that I am like a puppy. They say that when I see someone I know, my tail starts wagging. Back when I could walk well in my healthier state, my family would see my tail winding up at my sighting someone, and they would always know I was about to barrel someone over with a hug.

Despite the fact that I like giving and being on the receiving end of hugs, something unusual happened to me, a number of months ago, through which I have been growing a lot. I had been hurting, and didn't feel like being hugged or held by anyone, including God. I had already learned to come to Him and rest in Him, snuggle into His arms from time to time. But during this time, I was pulling away from letting God hold me.

During this time, I was taken by surprise when all of a sudden I felt God holding me. I didn't feel His arms physically around me, but I felt Him wrap His arms around my soul. A huge warmth filled me, and my soul was stilled. I was overwhelmed by a huge relief. If I remember right, this happened about three times. Each time I thought I didn't want to draw near to Him like that. But each time, I discovered it was exactly what I wanted.

Since then, I've been purposely coming to Him to let myself sink into His arms, more than ever before. I've also realized that every time I come to Him to be held, He ALWAYS holds me. Everything I described above, being stilled, the warmth, the relief, He gives me each time. I don't know how He does it, but I feel Him draw me so close. It's like He's just waiting for me to come to Him.

This has presented for me some questions. I want more of this. Even though I am working on coming to His arms over and over throughout each day, how else can I experience a more intimate relationship with God? How else can I draw near to Him and how should it effect my entire life differently?

As I have been continuing to call out to God to teach me about these things, these questions have been exciting me with answers! I have been learning about the "with" factor. Take for example the city sidewalk scenario. The sidewalks are bustling with people. People are often walking next to you or standing around you, waiting for the light to change at a corner. But those people walking next to you are not walking with you. Your friend that you are going to that coffee place with is walking with you. So, what does it mean for someone to be walking with you? It means that you are sharing the moment together. You don't have to speak to do this, though conversation is one way.

I've been learning to share the moment with God, by observing the functional relationships in my life. In these friendships, I enjoy getting to rejoice along with people in their joys and hurt with them through their pain. I can also come to these friends in my excitement or struggles, and have the joy of them sharing in these things with me. So, I've been practicing more of coming to God with my hopes, fears, passions, brokenness and joys. I silently bring these things to Him, knowing that He is hurting with me, He is excited with me. I experience these things along with Him.

I am also working on intimately rejoicing with God in what He has joy about, grieving with God in what grieves Him, being excited with God about what He gets excited about and sharing with Him in His passions.

I have also been striving more to come to God as I am, in my sin, doubts and embarrassing parts of me. Instead of shying away from Him in these things, I've been making an effort to experience these things with Him more, remembering that He cares about those things and has compassion about those things, too.

In Hebrew, Immanuel means "God is with us." The Immanuel came the first Christmas and pursued us all the way to the cross. God is still pursuing us. God is always with us. How much are we with Him?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Unusual Family Photos

Thanksgiving day, we took family pictures. We decided to have fun with the picture process. The result was quite humorous! Here are some of my favorite pictures...








Sunday, November 9, 2008

How Far it Reaches

Have you ever wondered if anything you're doing is making a difference? Chances are, if you're not wondering that now, you probably have at some point and probably will again. I know I've been asking myself that lately. Why do we do that? Because when we do something for someone, weather it's a prayer lifted in secret, listening to a friend or reaching out to someone in need, we can never in this lifetime really know how far it reaches.

Since questions like these are such a part of being human, I desired to let you know how many of you have made such a valued impact in my life over the last year. For those of you who don't know, I have been in a time of great and quickly increasing need, for about a year now. Before I go into how I have been impacted by you, I would like to take the time to recognise many of you.

Those of you who were in choir with me, before I had to pull out due to health, have blown me away by your support! You have sent me emails and group signed two cards for me! I am continually encouraged by how many times my father has come home from a church service or choir rehearsal, and told me one of you has asked about me. (I have asked numerous people to try to figure out which one of you gave me the flowers. Since I still don't know, I would like to thank you here for your comforting gift.)

I am told of how others of you, in the Worship and Creative Arts community, have been praying for me, during devotions at rehearsals.

There are those of you who have come to visit me (which is appreciated far more than I know how to put into words)!

For those of you who have said you are praying for me, have sent me encouraging emails or cards, continually checked in on me through emailing my mother, you don't know how much I hold on to these things for comfort.

My family, you have so willingly gone out of your way for me in so many ways. Weather it has been to physically support me to my next destination or to pray for me, I treasure these gifts. Particularly you, Mom. You have put so much of your life on hold, to take care of my needs.

The impact you've made? As you have been pursuing after me, God has been continuing to reassure me that He has not forgotten me. I continually list off in my mind, specific times you have reached out to me, to remind me that God is walking through this with me, that God is pursuing me, through you.

God has been using the fact that, because of my level of physical and inner ability right now, I can do little more than pray for others. I am still praying for you, Worship and Creative Arts ministry! It is an absolute delight and joy to me to get to pray for you! You and others that God has told me to pray for, are being lifted up in prayer, throughout each day. I have been for a while, at a place where I feel like I have no... strength... left, from a year of fighting, yet growing worse. This means that I often have to struggle to pray, even though it is a deep desire and joy to me to do so. It's amazing how a single email, or simply finding out someone asked about me at church, lifts me up so much! Things like this, and the other ways you have reached out, give me the strength to continue this ministry of prayer.

Did you know that sometimes your emails make me cry... good tears, because of how encouraged I am (
Jay)? Did you know how often I revisit your encouraging emails? Did you know that some of your emails have been God inspired, having just what I need to hear?

The love that you have been showing me has been a comfort and a healing balm. You have set an example for me, and I desire to strive to grow in doing for you and others, what you have been doing for me!

If you are wondering if anything you are doing is making a difference, don't give up! You will never in this life time know how far it reaches!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Welcome to my first blog!

Welcome to my blog! I thought it might be fun to launch this by sharing some interesting (and rather odd) quirks that I have. If you know me, you probably didn't know about these. Just for the sake of getting to know me and for humor's sake!

Well, there's the one about sun glasses. Whenever I wear sun glasses (for some reason that I can't explain), the shades making my vision darker makes me think that people can't hear me as well. This makes me speak louder.

I have the unfortunate habit of running into walls. Yes, this even includes the walls in my own home. I should know they are there! There was even a point in middle school, when a "Hi!" was exchanged between a guy I liked and me and I ran into a wall.

When I am extremely happy, my feet wiggle like a dog wagging its tail.

I can play songs by blowing on my hands.

I enjoy reading the dictionary. Learning new words, their definitions and the origins, is fun for me. I can sit down with a dictionary in one hand and a thesaurus in my other hand and have a wonderful time.

For years, I have also had the strange reflex of clapping my hands repeatedly, when something startles me.

Now, I can't think of anything else unusual to share about me at the moment, but I thought it would be good to end this post by mentioning something. Since I have had poor health conditions over this last year, I'm not sure if I'll end up only able to write a post once a month. However, I hope I will be able to write something every other day. Guess I'll have to wait and see.